Ok, it’s official … I am NOT a good yogi.
So I’ve talked about my quest for the Truth and being on my Path, yada yada yada. Well, for me it’s definitely yoga that’s going to get me there. In the short time I’ve been practicing in my life, especially recently, it’s exposed more to me than any other form of spiritual endeavor I’ve engaged.
It seems like every time I turn around though I’m doing something un-yogic. I’m either freaking out about something, thinking about something I really don’t need to be, or partaking too much of something I shouldn’t be partaking too much of. And that was just today. My kundalini is choking me. It seems no matter how hard I try I can’t get my mind under control sometimes. When it comes down to it, that’s what being a good yogi is really all about – mind over matter. At least that’s my simplified view on it.
It’s almost like I need to be practicing asanas ALL the frickin’ time in order to achieve enlightenment. Because honestly, for this yogi, that’s the ultimate goal. I want to know what’s it like to reach that plane where you just Are. I mean come on dude, how cool would it be to reach that place of “extinction of desire and suffering and individual consciousness.” Just for one cotton-pickin’ second! I want it. It’s what keeps me on my Path. I mean it IS the final attainment on my spiritual Path.
Anyway, when I am in my physical practice I feel like (most of the time anyway) I could get there with just a little bit more strength, a little bit more perseverance. I don’t mean There, but I mean a place that’s pretty damn close to There. If I could just let go of that burn or that tightness, I would be there. If I could just stop thinking about what I am doing. I am always right on that edge. Always just inches, millimeters, away from Attainment. Sometimes it distracts me and I have a shitty practice. Most of the time though it drives me that much farther inward and into my focus. Except when it doesn’t, which happens often (man, that’s sounds familiar … someone has written that before me).
I don’t know. Maybe I’ll never get there. I mean is it really possible to transcend this reality in that way? I guess I just have to keep trying. Like I said, how cool would it be to reach Attainment?