I am approaching the one year anniversary of opening my own business. This has made me reflect on the last year or more of this part of my life journey. I was contacted yesterday by someone I never expected to hear from or talk to again. This contact has made me reflect on a very contrasting period in my life when I was much younger and in a much different place spiritually and emotionally. These events combined are really making me realize how much I have changed and my life has changed as I've gotten older and how much I've learned, especially from the mistakes I've made in the past. It's also made me realize how emotionally strong I've become as a person. But at the same time it's made me realize that in some regard I may be too strong emotionally and that I may not have changed in some ways that I may need to to grow in my yoga practice (and I don't mean on the mat).
As I've said before, my life has always been a spiritual journey. I remember when I was a teenager and was on a Boy Scout camping trip in the Alps. I was going through a ceremony being inducted into the Brotherhood of the Arrow. The ceremony required me to spend the night alone in the woods with only my sleeping bag and a sleeping pad. It was freezing and that combined with the altitude revealed to me the most stars I think I've ever seen in my life. I can remember in that experience staring at the stars, searching for answers, trying to understand it All and trying to understand my place and my meaning in the Grand Scheme. Going even further back, I can remember as a very young boy, probably 6 or 7 years old, going to church with my parents. I always thought the people in the white robes that walked up to the front of the church were angels. I used to wonder why they would choose to be here doing this rather than up in heavan being with God. Well, that was until I had the realization they were just human like me. I think that might have been when I started thinking outside the Box if you will.
Over time I've come to believe in something Higher. My definition of It does not fit with any established religion and It continues to evolve and deepen but at the core I believe that we are all here for a reason. I don't claim to have any clue what that reason may be for me or anyone else but I think it could be as simple as being here to simply experience this reality in the way that our own spirit chooses to but also in a way in which a Higher Spirit chooses to guide us. We are basically free to choose our own realities and that is our purpose but that purpose is also guided by a Higher Spirit. Some of us listen and are guided and some of us don't and to me the results of those who don't listen are all the "bad" things in this life experience.
In every moment in my life I've made choices that created a reality for me. I then interpreted that reality and made more choices based on that interpretation and so on. Through this process I've learned to listen to my spirit and that of my Higher Spirit. Sometimes that listening takes the form of an actual conversation in my mind, other times it may take the form of some coincidence in my life. But it always seems to lead me in the right direction.
Ok, so what does this all mean and why does it mean whatever it means right now at this moment in my life journey? Hell if I know really. It seems spiritually appropriate - or coincidental maybe - for me right now to be reaching this crossroads, reflecting on a year that has changed my life and to be reminded at the same time of a past that sometimes haunts but always is there as a teacher for me. It makes me appreciate even more what I've personally accomplished in both the short and long term past and quite frankly, the fact that I am fortunate enough to even be here experiencing all of it. It makes sense in a way that I can't explain.
But it also makes me realize that I haven't let go of a lot of things that I don't really need to be hanging on to - a lot of moments when I made choices that created a challenging reality that no longer exists. I've let go of a lot over the last year but not enough, not all of it yet. My reality is right now and yes, all that is in the past does shape my current reality but the reality of the past is what it is, I can't change it, and it's over so why hang on to it.
Yet I still hang on to a lot of it. One thing that makes me feel good about the past year is the fact that I have let go of a lot. More than I realized until now. Actually in just the past few months I've let go of a lot. In doing so I am seeing that my attitude toward life and people and reality has changed for the better. This crossroads I am at is making me realize I have more to experience in this way. I think in just reaching this crossroads I've begun to let go of more. It will be interesting to see where it takes me. All I know is that a lot of my recent progress is due to my yoga practice. My main man B.K.S. says it best in "Light on the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali":
"As honey is sweet from any part of the honeycomb, so is yoga. It enables every part of the human system to become attuned to its essence, the conscious seer within. Yoga alone enables the practitioner to perceive and experience the world within and around himself, to touch the divine joy of all creation, and then to share that nectar of divine wealth and happiness with his fellow beings."
"Yoga is a friend to those who embrace it sincerely and totally. It lifts its practitioners from the clutches of pain and sorrow, and enables them to live fully, taking a delight in life. The practice of yoga helps the lazy body to become active and vibrant. It transforms the mind, making it harmonious. Yoga helps to keep one's body and mind in tune with the essence, the soul, so that all three are blended into one."