Culmination

OK, so after much experimentation and deliberation, I have decided that my creative endeavors are best served using my new space rather than in the previous three separate spaces I was writing and posting to. Going forward, it will be my home on the web. It will allow me the most creative flexibility and will NOT be just about my Yoga Journey or just about my photography or just about my spiritual search. It will now be all encompassing as I have found that all these endeavors are related anyway so I might as well bring them together in a more cohesive space. Namaste.

The Weight of the World

Have you ever felt like the entire weight of the world was resting squarely, emotionally and unwaveringly upon your frail and tired shoulders? It can be easy to let yourself feel this way in this consumer driven, debt laden culture that we live in. Bills to pay, children to raise, cars to maintain, relationships to deal with, ego to battle, and jobs to succeed in so that all these things can continue to get handled the best that we possibly can.

It's been a very long time since I've felt this way myself. But this very morning I had a few moments where I felt as though I was standing at the base of a very tall cliff that I was being forced to climb. I could not see any hand holds for my climb to even begin, let alone progress beyond the point I was at. And to top it off, I not only had that weight on my shoulders but I also felt wolves nipping at my heals. Well ... at least that's the description of the emotional state I was experiencing. The reality is, as is always the case, much less dramatic.

I believe that in a weaker state, I might have let the world crush me in those moments this morning. Grind me into itty bitty little pieces and spit me out on the sidewalk where everything could then walk all over me. Thankfully, the Universe has provided me with prior guidance leading up to this that in those very moments was already reminding me that the weight was but a figment of my active and at that moment, over reactive imagination. Not only that but the Universe seems to always provide me with exactly what I need in the moments that I am in need. For example, Bob Marley sings right now as I write this:

So much trouble in the world now Bless my eyes this morning JAH sun is on the rise once again The way earthly things are going Anything can happen

I am not certain that he meant those words in his own context the way that I am utilizing them now but that matters naught. In this moment, I am reminded by Bob that anything can happen and that the Sun is on the rise once again. This is true every day even though there is so much trouble in this world. Trouble in every moment if we forget that JAH Sun is on the rise once again.

This weight of the world that I had just this morning resting upon my shoulders is not defined by the circumstances that I perceive to be causing the placement of said weight but by the way in which I define and view those circumstances.

I must be hard headed. I must be stubborn. I must be an idiot. For the life of me, no matter how much I write and philosophize, no matter how many times Bob sings to me, I can't seem to find the comfort that I know a confident faith can bring to me. I just keep stumbling down my Path trying to find more Tools to help me get further down my Path when I know in my heart that all I need is that faith.

When will I learn? What must I do? When will that faith find it's security, its home in that place just to the right of my heart where my soul resides?

And to top it all off, Bob sings in the background:

Why do you look so sad and forsaken? Don't you know, when one door is closed, many more is opened?

The Hardest Practice of All

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Every moment has meaning. And our purpose here is to find that meaning or to squander the opportunity to do so, whichever we choose. And yes, choice is a critical part of this Game. Each of us can choose to be conscious of the search for the meaning of the now or we can essentially choose to be lost to our selves, which is to say, to live life behind the thinly veiled but considerably obscuring ego. I don't believe we are predestined but I do believe that the choices we make are our own and that those choices create our future as they are made according to our purpose which is to figure out the meaning of every moment. It's a very complicated formula that I by no means am sure I have or ever will completely figure out and clearly one that requires a large degree of faith.

This entire aspect of our existence is unbelievably interesting to me but what I find the most interesting is that we can so easily fall pray to the ego while searching for meaning. Even in faith, in believing in the Search and seeking the Truth, we can end up farther from the meaning than when we started by listening to or more importantly, allowing the ego to guide our thoughts and actions.

We clearly are not our egos. We are not in our Hearts the reactive, jealous, insecure thoughts that our egos throw at us much of the time.

I often struggle with this. I find myself, that is to say my ego, attempting to justify things that I know in my Heart are not the right things for me to be doing. For example, eating several wonderfully creamy Trader Joe's "oreo" cookies and justifying it by saying "Oh, it's OK Robb, you've been practicing a lot lately so it doesn't matter." When I know in the back of mind I am thinking how these several cookies are actually hindering my progress toward the goals I have with my practice. If I don't eat the cookies consistently, and by extension of this particular practice, don't eat the chips or drink the soda or whatever, I will get closer to achieving those goals much more quickly. The risk here is that this behavior, let to run out of control, could be extended to much larger and much more destructive things in ones life.

Imagine if you lived your life not only listening to your ego and nothing else but then doing exactly what your ego prompted you to do in every moment it so prompted. Eat this. Drink that. Buy those. Talk about that. React now. Jump off a building. You would live a sad life I think. You would likely have no friends, no money, no family, nothing. All because at it's core, the ego is a very insecure and ultimately unfriendly bedfellow.

Ultimately, the hardest practice is not the physical practice of yoga but the practice of living life as if you had no ego. Truly living life with no fear. Not only no fear of life itself but no fear of being the love that burns in all of us in our Heart of Hearts. And radiating that love without worry that we will be judged for doing so or without worry that we will be hurt for letting our "walls" down. The thing I love the most about the physical practice of yoga is that it gives me an opportunity every time I take a class to practice this hardest practice of all. It helps me to stoke that fire that is the love that resides at the core of my Being.

Right vs. Wrong

I sometimes find myself facing personal or business situations where I must choose between what is seemingly right and wrong. Unfortunately, most of the time in these situations, especially in business, I feel that it is impossible or at a minimum difficult to know for sure what is the correct choice. What I might perceive in one moment to be a wrong choice could very easily, in some future hindsight, reveal itself as the right choice. Contrarily at other times, when I can't bring myself to make a choice and instead decide to do nothing, I could easily find out that doing nothing was exactly the wrong thing to be doing.

Complicating all of this sometimes, and further blurring these sticky situations, is often the definition behind these right and wrong choices. It is frequent that I wonder if I am being thorough in my definitions of what is "right" or "wrong." It's simply not always clear what path is the path I should be on.

This is just another aspect of what we call the human condition. With our consciousness comes the ability to analyze and use logic in our decision making. Add to that the fact that we all look with some amount of fear at times to the unknown of the future and the unpredictability of our lives and what a condition it truly reveals itself to be.

Furthermore, our emotions and emotional attachements often lead us astray or at a minimum often get in the way. We are human. And being human in our human condition, we feel. That is what life is. It is feelings. Those feelings cause us so much trouble at times though. Especially when we are faced with these situations where we must decide right from wrong. Our emotions can lead us in a direction that logic may tell us is not the "right" direction and vice versa. Logic and emotion are, suffice it to say, strange bedfellows.

I have learned that for me, it takes a process of compartmentalization in order to get as close as I can to a sense of direction. That and faith. Faith is just another word for confidence. So when I confidentally compartmentalize situations, I find myself feeling as much a sense of direction as is possible for these types of situations. I mostly still don't truly know what the "right" choice is but at least I know I feel like I am making the best choice possible.

Most importantly, given that I often feel that my definitions of "right" and "wrong" are incomplete at best, I believe that using ones own internal guidance system - that inner voice that we all talk to and converse with everyday - is truly the best way to seal the deal on these types of choices. No matter how much I draw lines in the sands of my mind, I always end up in some kind of dialogue with my inner guidance system over whether or not I've drawn the right lines in the right places.

At the end of the day though, when the choices have been made, what really matters the most is that faith. Faith that my inner dialogue has been complete. Faith that no matter what, the Universe is good and everything happens for a reason. Faith that nothing is final. Faith that God must be a forgiving God given that this human condition does not clearly reveal to us the "right" choices. Faith that no matter what, everything will be OK.

Non-Attachment

I have learned something interesting and enlightening about myself recently that is a new characteristic for me. It has not yet truly been put to the test but it is being poked and prodded at the moment. It has to do with my attachment to material, and even non-material, things in my life. And it is has come up for reasons that have yet to even remotely manifest but are reasons that could very possibly come to pass.

I have tended in the past to be very attached to objects, pursuits and emotional states that I have invested myself or my time in. These have included former jobs, former girlfriends, former states of mind, etc. I am quite sure that I still am attached to many things but I know for certain that it's much less than in my past.

I know this because it's been a very important part of my yoga practice. In my practice, both the physical and the spiritual, I force myself to let go of any investment I may have in a particular "pose." If one day I move strongly and deeply into warrior and feel that my hips and feet and entire body are "in the zone," I don't then the next day expect that to happen again or when it does not, let myself get agitated because I happen to not be in that zone that day. I have finally trained myself to see these type of things as they are - as they are.

The future and the unknown nature of the future are what has stimulated this realization. Marcia and I both have chosen a path that makes the future even more difficult to handle than in previous phases of our lives. We have staked ourselves on the success of us and of the fickle nature of the consumer economy we live in. Right now, we seem to be in a phase where that fickle nature is being just that - fickle. Only time will tell how fickle or even if that nature will impact us in any way. But this is the first time since we've ventured out on our own that we may be facing a period of time that could test our resolve to be our own bosses.

My reaction to the possibility that we could be in for a test has been very interesting. Instead of reacting with fear and the stress that fear produces, I have quite naturally reacted by continuously generating a list of the possibilities and opportunities that are available to us no matter what may happen. Even if the worst case scenarios were to play out - which of course, they never will - I now know of countless paths that we could take.

Suffice it to say that I now am confident that in this reality, at any moment on our Path, there are always countless forks in the Road.

All of this has reminded me of a quote I came across not so long ago that really inspired my progress in this area. I think it's one to truly ponder and see how it applies to your life.

"So long as we believe in our heart of hearts that our capacity is limited and we grow anxious and unhappy, we are lacking in faith. One who truly trusts in God has no right to be anxious about anything."

~ Paramahansa Yogananda

Namaste.

Happy Holidays

May the roads rise to meet you.
May the wind be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
The rain fall soft upon your fields
And, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

A Gaelic Blessing

Eggs on the Wall

I have a few eggs on my mind that I need to just throw against this wall so this may not be the most cohesive entry I've ever made but what the hay. I do what feels right and generally speaking that always seems to lead me in the direction I am supposed to go. Which is a funny thing 'cause that is just "The Secret" at work. Anyway, about those eggs ...

The first thing is regarding an event that happened in my life just this morning. Our girls like to ride the bus to school. For us that means getting up at 6:00 frickin' a.m. to be at the bus stop by about 6:35 frickin' a.m. as opposed to one of us dropping them off which would mean getting up at 7:00 a.m. That I can handle. Clearly the girls REALLY like riding the bus because we have basically told them that they have to get up with their alarms, get dressed and then come wake us up. Amazingly, they have done this almost every day since we started this ritual.

Now, if it isn't clear, 6:00 frickin' a.m. is might as well be 2:00 frickin' a.m. for me. I am not a get up smiling kind of person. I like to sleep. When I wake up, I'd pretty much rather be asleep. It's not that I am a jerk or grumpy (at least not most of the time), I just don't like getting up in the morning. Marcia isn't quite as bad but she likes to sleep too. So clearly we struggle with the 6:00 frickin' a.m. thing. As a compromise, we take turns letting each other sleep in. I guess we really love each other.

So anyway, this morning was my turn to sleep in. However, at least for me, sleeping in on school days is not really sleeping in. It's more like dozing in. Mainly due to the fact that our bedroom is 5 feet from the kitchen which in the morning is where about 50% of the getting ready takes place. So this morning I am dozing in and I hear one of the girls go out into the garage. I was assuming whoever it was was going out to get shoes. I was wrong. A second or three later I heard my car door shut and a short beep from my horn. When you lock my doors and shut them, my car beeps. My keys were in my car. Not only that but the spare key was too. I immediately had a complete and full understanding of the situation at hand.

Now, not long ago, even as little as several months ago, this would have caused sun-like degrees of agitation in my mind. I more than likely would have immediately gotten out of bed with the attitude that my day was now going to be all f'ed up because of course how the hell was I going to get my car unlocked. It would not have been good. However, this morning was not several months ago. This morning was a new day. A lovely, grateful day. Instead of reacting essentially in any way, I just sort of said to myself "Oh well, I'll figure it out" and basically tried to doze back off pondering what the figuring would consist of but all-in-all not all that worried about it.

Unfortunately, I heard Melissa's reaction to the whole thing which was one of sadness because apparently Mommy told her quite sternly how upset I was going to be when I found out. And who can blame her? I'm an ass sometimes. That made me feel bad. But it also made me conscious of how I was reacting THIS time to THIS situation.

Shortly after that I did doze back off as the girls left for the bus stop and the warmth and darkness of our bedroom overtook me again. A short while later, Marcia returned and was getting herself coffee which kind of woke me up again so I decided to finally get up. Upon entering the kitchen, the dialog was thus.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," Marcia replied slightly frowning.

"What?" I said.

"Wellll ... Melissa locked your keys in your car." She said.

"I know." I said.

She paused, looking at me sort of sideways. "You know?" she asked somewhat incredulously.

"Yep."

"Aren't you mad?"

"No. Why would I be mad? I'll figure it out."

We then proceeded to sit, drinking coffee and enjoying each others company for about 30 minutes. It was quite nice. The whole time I just kept thinking, "I'll figure it out."

When it was time for Marcia to get ready to go to the studio, I decided it was time for me to "figure it out." My car is a Subaru Outback. On the model I have, the windows just so happen to essentially press against a rubber seal along the sides. The top slides up into a molding channel but the sides are basically exposed. The great thing about this is it allows one to wedge things like screwdrivers under the glass and get a tiny bit of a gap to appear. It's not much but enough to get a hanger through which was the plan I had essentially hatched in the back of mind whilst dozing and sipping coffee. What I didn't think about was the distance from where I had to stick the hanger under the window to where the tiny, itsy-bitsy little door lock button lever was. I was able to get the hanger in there but it simply wasn't rigid enough over that distance to do me much good.

I must admit that at one point, briefly, the "F" word did leave my mouth. However, instead of going with that, you know what I did? I stopped myself and basically told myself that that wouldn't do me any damn good. So I proceeded.

I went back to the closet, found a mutant hanger that was like three times the thickness of normal hangers (must have been made in the U.S.A. before Chinese imports). I took that hanger, bent it out to the shape I wanted and started threading it along with my original Chinese hanger into my car. My goal at this point was to simply get the two hangers as close to the door locking mechanism as possible so that I could assess whether or not this scheme was even going to have a chance in hell of working.

Funny thing happened. I was focused completely and utterly on the point of insertion when "ka-chung," my doors unlocked.

I reached down, opened the door to the sound of paint stirers and hangers and a screwdriver hitting the ground. I smiled and walked back inside leaving my door open and my paraphernalia sprawling. It was beautiful.

Moral of the story? Patience. That's it. Well, and gratitude too because get this - I then proceeded to be grateful that Melissa had done this wonderful thing for me. It was a great morning!

Alrighty then. On to another egg.

I've been approaching my spiritual practice in a new way in the last week or so. I had a realization that maybe because I am 34 or maybe because I am human that many of the things that I wish were different about me are not going to be easy (or maybe impossible) to change. This has been a frustrating admission for me to face but one I have reluctantly turned to.

What I've decided is that instead of trying to re-train myself on these various bad habits I have, I am going to try and create and maintain an awareness of myself that is not me. Well, it's me but it's me looking at myself, watching, waiting and politically correctly giving me pointers and suggestions when the other me does things I don't think are spiritually in line with my Path. I figure it's easy to train a new dog rather than trying to train an old dog.

I like this and so far it seems to be working. I think this morning was a good example.

I was going to throw a few more eggs but I think I'll save them for next time.

Purpose (An Essay)

A few months ago I told Marcia that I wanted to take a trip. I had an old familiar urge to go to the mountains alone and camp out for a weekend - hiking, taking photographs and generally seeking spiritual solitude. Sitting next to a fire in the Blue Ridge night alone just felt right. I don't really know what prompted it. I think I felt the need for a creative binge as it's been some time since I've been able to truly spread my creative wings. Maybe I just needed an extended meditation. Whatever the case, shortly after speaking it, I basically forgot about it until recently. More on that topic later.

Lately, I've found myself lost in thought quite often. Which is interesting for several reasons. First of all, my spiritual Path has poked and prodded me to be conscious of the Now. I am consistently trying to remember to NOT get lost in my thoughts. Secondly, I just last week finished reading "Peaceful Warrior" by Dan Millman. If you haven't read it, suffice it to say it's all about being Present. And finally, I generally am one to naturally NOT get lost in thought. Even just driving down the road, I am often distracted by the Now. Sometimes its a beautiful tree or an interesting house, other times a hawk at 300 yards in the passenger side rearview mirror flying 6 inches off the ground with a field mouse in its beak (I have eagle eyes for animals when I am driving, just ask Marcia) but most often I just naturally come back to how unbelievable it is to be alive. You know - DEEP BREATH followed by that full body spiritual WOW! feeling.

Much of these lost-in-thought episodes have revolved around doubt and fear. Yes! Fear! That old bitch of an enemy that I haven't written about much for quite some time. For some reason, when I get lost in thought more than usual, I begin to have doubts, and then I begin to feel fear (or maybe it's the other way around) and when I begin to have fear, I tend to get lost in thought even more often. I begin to play out scenarios, go over plans, revisit decisions, contemplate future possibilities, and so on. It's one of those behaviors that tends to feed on itself.

Throughout all of this I've also been struggling with Purpose. What is my Purpose? Why am I here? What does God intend for me to do while I am here? Am I doing what God intends? Am I missing the Point? Should I be doing something else? What if I was supposed to take that other Path that I turned away from not so long ago? What if I'm lost?

You get the picture. It all kind of inconveniently fits together nicely actually. Maybe it's ultimately all the same thing but I don't have the capacity to label it for what it truly is. The being lost leads to getting more lost which leads to doubt and fear (or fear and doubt, take your pick) which leads to questions about Purpose. What is my goddamned Purpose? Where the hell am I headed on this Path? Am I going to trip and fall and if I do, will I be able to get up?

Thankfully I have this wonderful habit of picking up and reading books or watching movies when they are most appropriate to my progress - or lack thereof I guess - on my spiritual Path. Recently, as I stated before, I read "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" which for one, is not a new manuscript by any means nor is it's popularity new either, it just happened to be that Marcia had it, was going to give it away and I decided to place it next to my bed for the future (in a stack of about 20 other books). It sat there for several weeks before I somewhat randomly picked it up and began to read it. I finished it in three successive evenings of reading. I loved it. For whatever Reason, it was exactly what I needed to help with this recent pattern of getting lost in my Forest. It served as a reminder that I should and can be Present at all times and even sort of gave me some ways in which to practice being Present.

Almost immediately after completing "Peaceful Warrior," I moved on to "The Power of Intention" by Dr. Wayne Dyer. Also not a new book nor recently popularized. It just came to me via a conversation Marcia and I were having about life and spirituality and she said I should read it. I am only half way through this book at this point so I don't know if it's going to be a casualty of Robb's half-read-book bad habit (sometimes when you get, you get it). So far I don't think so but it's possible because it's really just "The Secret" with different lipstick on it. The thing about it though is it reminded me about being positive and it reminded me that not only do I deserve whatever I believe I deserve but whatever I believe I deserve is what I deserve. Furthermore, if I really believe, I can manifest it via the fuel of my thoughts and actions. Brilliant! Wonderful timing! Never fails. Fear be gone!

Then Marcia and I just the other day went to see "Into the Wild." It's an unbelievable story told by an amazing author, John Krakauer, and taken to the screen by Sean Penn about a young man who leaves it all behind - every last penny and emotional connection - to hit the road and eventually go into the wilds of Alaska. The whole movie I wanted to cry not only because I knew the ending but because it was simply well done in how it reached out to you and connected with you on an everyday-human-level kind of way. It was unique in it's approach to doing so but very effective. Not to mention it clearly reminded me of that urge I'd had not so long ago.

I can relate a lot to Christopher Johnson McCandless (a.k.a., Alexander Supertramp). His drive to find Purpose and meaning. His need to simplify. The way he put it all behind him via an amazingly courageous journey in the modern frontier of America is inspiring in a very romantic sense. It plays off our desire and fear of actually leaving it all behind and to embrace that wild, almost animal side inside all of us. It was something I tried to recreate (about the time he was dying actually) with my own adventures into the wild. Unfortunately, or more likely thankfully, I was not as courageous as he. Or maybe I had just found a Path that he had yet to stumble upon for himself.

I got the book within days after seeing the movie and read it in three consecutive evenings as well. The book was, of course, better than the movie for a lot of reasons. Mainly because Krakauer is just a damn good writer. He related to McCandless and therefore was able to relate the story in a very emotionally binding way. But it also included a lot of literary references both as accents to the story but also as indicators of McCandless's progress on his own path - highlighted prose with criptic but quite clear notations can reveal a lot about the state of a man's Journey. I had a hard time putting the book down.

What impacted me the most was the fact that this story is now touching so many. I'm writing about it, telling people about it and thinking about it a lot. I am quite sure I am not the only one. His tragic, sad and short existence clearly had a purpose beyond the influence he left on those he touched directly. He had a purpose in life, the scope of which has only increased 15 years after his death. And for me, that's the point of all of this right there. It is the lynchpin. Had that not been his Purpose, we more than likely would never have heard of Alexander Supertramp. He would have emerged from his Alaskan Adventure, returning either to the road or to his family, and life would have gone on. But he just so happened to be one of the ones whose Purpose was to dramatically, in all it's tragic sadness, be that reminder, that thought provoking story, for me and so many others for whatever many reasons.

I am at heart a philosopher. There is no doubt in that for me. I have come to believe that this life is about finding time to philosophize. Finding time to connect with the Infinite. It is something that always grounds me. Brings me back to reality in a way that helps me begin to see through It and into the energy that is that Infinite space. It helps me to understand how completely insignificant I am but more importantly how completely infinite and real the possiblity is that each of us truly does have a Purpose, grand or isolated, dramatic or mundane but a Purpose nonetheless.

We of course will never truly know our own Purpose. It may not be felt for hundreds of years. It may be felt tomorrow. But we'll never know if it was that smile we gave that stranger or that donation we made to that wonderful organization or if it was that hug we gave to our child or if all those things were just a Gift to fill in the gaps between our Purpose and the rest of Life. Or maybe that our Life is the Gift of Purpose or possibly that our Purpose is the Gift of Life, take your pick. All I know is that believing in Purpose helps me find my way out of those lost thoughts, helps me fend off that mean old bitch fear and really reminds me that Now is all that matters because right Now I might just be fulfilling my Purpose.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sympathetic Love

When I started writing in this space, my initial motivation came from a realization about myself and about life. A realization that came to me in a svasana and was, I now believe, a turning point for me on my Path. I realized that the place inside me that feels this life, that place where love resides, is really the same in all of us. It's the same place and it serves the same purpose for all of us. It's also fueled by the same energy - that energy that holds up the Universe. It is essentially the full and personal realization of what we say to each other after each yoga class - Namaste.

I described this place as my Me place. And I set out to express my spiritual Journey in this space because ultimately it's not about me at all but about all of us finding our way on our own Paths. All of us joined together but unfortunately more often than not separated on our Paths. I hoped (and hope still) that what I express and have expressed here has an impact. Even if only fleeting. Even if removed and indirect.

I now believe that part of what sprouted from that "svasana moment" is something that I will never know and can only imagine. Something I can never understand because it's so much larger than me. Something that truly isn't about me but more about what I write and how I write and who may read it and when and why and where and on and on. What I mean is that what I write here may be for me on the surface, it may be that it is fundamentally to help me take more steps down my Path, but I think that it may be more about something that I don't and won't ever understand. Something beyond me that I am not supposed to understand.

Last night, Marcia and I and the girls were at the studio participating in the Kirtan with Dave Stringer and his band. He mentioned something that I was already aware of but had not necessarily thought of in this way before. The concept is technically labeled "acoustic resonance" but also referred to as "sympathetic vibration." The easiest way to explain this is thus; if you pluck a guitar string on a guitar on one side of a room and on the other side of the room is another guitar with another string tuned the same, that string will vibrate even though it was not physically plucked. Dave's metaphor was that if you raise your own energy during a Kirtan, the overall energy of the Kirtan will rise with you and vise versa.

This to me is also a perfect metaphor for what I am being guided to do in this space. The vibration that I have always underlying my writing is one of love, one of spiritual growth through love. I believe we all need help when it comes to finding our Paths. God chose to leave us very little clear direction when it comes to these matters (at least in my humble opinion). And although I don't preach nor profess to know any more than anyone else when it comes to God or spirituality, I do know what I feel. And I do know that sharing what I feel makes me feel better. And in feeling better, I hope to make others feel better.

I have my moments. As do we all. Moments in the day-to-day where love is farthest from my mind. That's what life does to us. It throws things at us and we forget in those brief moments what it's really all about. We get too busy ducking and blocking. It happens to me daily. But all of it only serves to bring me back here consistently so that I can help myself remember and in so remembering, vibrate that out to anyone that is tuned to the same frequency.

Call it sympathetic love.

No One Here Gets Out Alive

In the past few days, I've been forced to remember and pay attention to the fact that human life is fragile and that no matter how we may try to avoid it, sometimes God decides that it's our time to move on from this life. It's been an odd pattern of being made conscious of horrible deaths that have happened recently in the area. I know that these things happen quite often but in the past week or so it's been very impactful to me more so than usual. It's made me think a lot about life, time, love, death and living the moment.

Life is short. The longer I live, the more I realize this point. Once time has flowed by, it seems that it went by so quickly even when, in the moment, it may have felt slow. When I hear about horrible things, I am reminded that I need to pay more attention to the moments - slow or fast - and try my best to appreciate and remember them because I know they will soon be gone, either left behind or because possibly I will have been made to move on possibly in some similar fashion. I don't like this but I do understand it is necessary for me to do this. I try to simply pay attention while forcing myself to forget why I need to pay attention.

The thing that makes it even more difficult is love. I love this life. I love the people, events, and details of this life. I don't like to think that I could lose it all or worse yet keep it and lose something I love dearly. That is my biggest fear. That I will get that phone call or become that tragic story. I also don't want to be one to create that tragic story and leave behind the amazing, beautiful wife and the even more amazing and beautiful daughters. But these possibilities exist in every moment of every day. There really is no escape.

I know it's all very selfish. Especially the fact that much of it is about fear of death. Fear that we will die or that those we love will die. Mostly fear that the ones we love will die and we will be left alone in our sorrow and pain. The selfishness of it makes it even harder to deal with. I don't like to feel selfish but then I realize that I don't like the thought of not being selfish and holding it all in or denying the feelings. I've tried that. It only makes matters worse.

I am clearly selfish. I love life. I love the people and things and events in my life. I am attached. I have to admit it and face that. It goes against one of the core yoga practices but I don't think I care in this case or more importantly, I'm not so sure I can actually do anything about it. It sort of is what it is. There really is no escape.

Ultimately all of it is more fuel for my yoga fire. More fuel to that spiritual goal of truly letting that Wind carry me through this life. Given that there is no escape from these realities, what else can be done? You'd think that that question and its unstated but clear answer would make it easy to let that Wind take over but it simply isn't that easy. Emotions like love and selfishness get in the way. But my yoga reminds me to let go of these things and trust in that Wind. Trust that everything that happens happens for a reason. Trust that if I or someone I love is forced to move on from this life that there is a purpose and that it's not just random and horrible.