An Inner Perspective

There has been much activity for me since last I wrote. Outwardly, this would not be overly apparent to anyone else. Most of the activity I speak of has been an internal dialogue more than anything else. In parallel though, there have been some external experiences that have influenced my internal dialogue significantly and in odd ways have been very contextual to that dialogue.

Before I get on with what I am thinking and feeling, let me just quickly cover something that I feel I need to express that sets a foundation for this particular post. As I've discussed in the past, much of my life has revolved around the spiritual question "WhyWhatWho?". Why am I here? What is this life about? Who is my creator? I am sure that these are questions that most of us have asked and hopefully still do. I think it's a natural human tendency to ponder the reason(s) (if any) that we are here in this life experience.

Well, from very early on in my quest for the Truth, there was something that is a part of me, that was and is always present, and that I always follow and have followed almost blindly. It is the "inner me" that talks back to my thoughts and offers me guidance and support and reason. I don't know WhyWhatWho it is but I do know that I have always trusted it and that it has never let me down. Sometimes I like to call it intuition. In the past, there was a time that I believed it was angels of passed relatives. Now I more or less view it as God. Every day I have a dialogue with my inner self. And every day it offers me guidance and support. As I've learned to converse with myself in this way, I've learned to relax and not force the conversation. In so doing, I've found that answers to my thoughts come to me without prompting. I am not thinking these answers, they simply come to me. I have never found these answers to be wrong or to do me wrong. How could that not be God?

In the past few weeks, I have had a few experiences that have transformed my dialogue. The first happened last week. A woman who had been referred by another of my customers came in to drop off something to be framed. She had a gift certificate that I had donated for a charity event. I did not work with her so I don't really know what happened but basically she ended up leaving without giving a deposit on the work and without receiving a receipt. For my business this is important because it's custom work, it's therefore generally pretty expensive and it helps to avoid confusion.

This woman came in to pick up her frame. I proceeded to communicate to her that she had a balance (which I must say was VERY small for any custom framing). Well, suffice it to say that she expected to basically receive the piece for free as she apparently did not understand that what she ordered minus the gift certificate would amount to basically anything more than a dollar or two. She was not nice about it nor did she pause to consider anything other than the perspective she had on the situation.

Now I am generally very mild mannered and patient and I pride myself on my customer service skills. However, in this case, I could not hold back due to the way in which I was being treated and I therefore proceeded to be somewhat confrontational back at her (which for me would probably barely noticeable to any normal person). I did attempt to mitigate by offering a small additional discount (as we did have a slight delay on her work) but she would have nothing of that and proceeded to treat me like I was basically dirt and without saying it, as if I was trying to screw her.

To make a long story short, I ended up removing the framed item from the frame, giving that back to her, and as she proceeded out of my door muttering that I had just lost a customer, I said "Have a happy life sweety!" with more than a bit of sarcasm.

Generally speaking, that experience did not make me feel good. It made me mad, very mad.

The very next day, my employee, who I had lent "The Secret" to not long before, brought in the movie "What The Bleep Do We Know?" I watched it that night. It is another perspective and flavor on the law of attraction. It's primary theme is that we create our world through the way in which we choose to view it. It was not really anything new for me other than a different perspective on that topic but for some reason, it's timing really changed my inner dialogue. It forced me to relive the moments I had with the aforementioned woman. It prompted me to try and view the world through her eyes. And ultimately, it allowed me to let go of that experience and come back to my Path. But most importantly, once back on my Path, I realized that I was that much more "relaxed in the pose."

I woke up this morning feeling out of sorts. My mind has been about fear in various forms this morning. I think I am just still struggling with that experience and all the other pressures and uncertainties of life. In the past, I've had moments where I fancied fear my pawn. During those times, my Dialogue was strong and active and therefore I was confident and it was easy to crush any fear that came my way. When fear breaks through that confidence in a significant way, I find that my Dialogue is weak or non-existent. What I am now coming to understand is that fear is an important part of my Path. It reminds me that I am human. It reminds me to come back to my Path and find that relaxed pose and spark up a conversation with Myself.

Sometimes I am cryptic so I hope that my meaning is clear. I believe in communication that allows for interpretation and promotes thought while still conveying a specific perspective.

When I got to work this morning, I read my DailyOM and it included the following which ultimately sparked my post today:

"When everything goes smoothly, we feel blessed by the universe, as if a fleet of angels is guiding and supporting our every move. When things are rough or ambiguous, we sometimes feel that we have been abandoned. And yet, the truth is that we are blessed in both cases. Our angels and guides are always present. They may choose at times to back off and let us figure something out for ourselves, and this is when things seem difficult. But when things are difficult, we learn and grow in specific ways. There is a unique satisfaction that comes to us when we succeed at something that has been a challenge. Our sense of self-reliance expands, and our ability to endure and keep the faith is stronger for having been tested. We learn that we are capable of confronting and overcoming the obstacles in our path, and this empowers us to dream still bigger dreams, knowing that we will not be daunted by the challenges inherent in birthing them."

Click here for the full DailyOM article.