Riding My Sacred Roller Coaster

I realized just yesterday that I haven't recently thought nor written much about my past and the various emotional struggles I've touched on here previously. I definitely had a period of time there where that was my focus. Those demons that I talked about have been quieted. Now, having had this realization, I've been pondering the reason behind this quieting and I think I know the answer - I've been too busy being happy, practicing my yoga and developing my sacred self. I have been very focused on my own personal spiritual evolution. I have been practicing yoga in every aspect of my life. And it has definitely been paying dividends. I feel great physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I touched on my favorite definition of religion in my last entry. It involves the self as a primary focus of a spiritual practice which is why I believe yoga is my religion governing all other religious practices I choose to follow. And as I stated, I am sacred because God made me.

One thing I've noticed and yet another metaphor I've adopted recently, is that I've truly learned to expect and ride the roller coaster that is life. The way I see it, life is a roller coaster of ups and downs. Each day we are presented with new sections of the coaster. Sometimes they are steep climbs where we feel exhilarated and excited about the ride ahead. Other times they are steep drops where we're scared to death about the ride down and what might lie at the bottom. But the more we ride them, the less intense the same ride becomes. That first drop on the path of entrepreneurship or the first climb toward your first child, whatever the situation may be, becomes less exciting and less fearful the second and third times around and so on.

How does this relate to my spiritual self? Well, I used to be scared of God. I used to be scared of life. Actually I used to be scared of a lot of things. So I hid behind destructive behavior and rode coasters that easily could have killed me. But those coasters started to get bigger and bigger and I got less and less fearful until one day I realized how truly scary I was treating myself and how truly scared I was of so many things. And from that point on, I started down my Path.

I began to find God and through that process I began to find myself. In finding myself, I found amazing and unbelievable things like my wife and my children and ultimately the happiness that I experience every day of my life now. Through this process I rode bigger and bigger coasters as well and they all brought me closer to God and farther out of the clouds and fog of my past into the sunlight of His truth.

Now I find that my spiritual and physical practice is much the same but so much more joyful. I'm no longer scared of God or life or even death. I've ridden those coasters. Now I'm finding that I'm content just riding the happiness roller coaster. I don't need bigger and bigger coasters anymore. I'm happy on the happy coaster relaxing in the warm light of my various practices. This is the first time I've ever felt this way and I like it. My feelings and emotions and fears and everything that is me spiritually likes this expectation of happiness.

I've noticed now that the drops that almost always involve intensity of fear, no longer are so dramatic as they have been in the past. Even new ones I've never faced before are less intense. It's not that I've become desensitized, I've just learned, through my happiness and contentment and most importantly my faith, that it's all going to be OK. So metaphorically speaking, through my worship of my sacred self, I've begun to dissect the ups and downs even as the roller coaster itself gets bigger in a way. I don't know if that makes sense but it's the only way I feel I can describe it.

There's a song that comes to mind by Michael Franti that seems appropriate to me right now.

"I have been traveling down this river, so many rocks pop up in my sight.
I've got to make some quick decisions, should I go left or should I go right.
I pray for guidance and protection, it keeps my boat watertight.
But, I know if I just keep on believing, every little thing's gonna be alright.

When I wake up in the morning, I hope I see you in the light.
When I wake up in the morning, I hope I see you in the light.

And loveliness, and tenderness, and happiness, and openness,
And togetherness, and loveliness, yeah yeah

The vampires gather around me, angling to take a bite.
They want to drink my blood of courage, and try to take away my fight.
But no, no, no, they can't do that, for one truth I've learned in life.
You want to scare away the vampires, you simply guide them into the light.

When I wake up in the morning, I hope I see you in the light.
When I wake up in the morning, I hope I see you in the light yeah.

In the morn, in the morning. In the morn, in the morning.
In the morn, in the morning. In the morning.

And when my time is done, I did some right, I did some wrong.
Call my name to kingdom come, spread my wings in flight.
I hope that when my day is over, my love, I see you in the light.
And when I wake up in the morning, I hope I see you in the light.
When I wake up in the morning, I hope I hope I hope I see you.

In the morn, in the morning. In the morn, in the morning.
In the morn, in the morning.
In the morn, in the morning. In the morning.

And loveliness, and tenderness, and happiness, and openness,
And togetherness, and hopefulness, and happiness, yeah yeah."