Stopping to Smell the Roses (and the Manure too)

The fact of my 34th birthday approaching on Monday has forced me to think even more about my past and about the spiritual journey that I have been sharing in this space and to ponder the future and where my Path might be leading me. I've been reminiscing about the good times of the past, searching the challenging times for the lessons learned and generally projecting my overall gratitude to the Universe for all of it.

In so doing, I decided to reread my Journey to this point to see if I could find any pattern or expose learning that I may not be aware has occurred. The first thing I discovered was that it's been over one year since I began writing about my Journey and my Path in this space. That just reaffirmed to me that time flies when you are having fun. But it also made me feel good to see that I've truly kept myself dedicated to this spiritual exploration.

I also discovered that one important foundational element in my Journey has not changed. I captured it in my post from April 26th, 2006:

Someone much more wise than I once said there is a Wind that carries each of us in our own way – the Way – through this Life. It’s always blowing, always available to us. Some of us choose to spread our sails and blow with our Wind. Others try to move crosswise with it or push against it. One thing I’ve found on my Path is that the Wind is my friend. The more I go with the flow, the more I find the Tools I need for my Journey. I’ve always felt that everything happens for a reason and that the more I give of myself to the Flow, the more I find it helps me down my Path.

“The yogi never neglects or mortifies the body or the mind, but cherishes both. To him the body is not an impediment to his spiritual liberation nor is it the cause of its fall, but is an instrument of attainment. He seeks a body strong as a thunderbolt, healthy and free from suffering so as to dedicate it in the service of the Lord for which it is intended.” - from “Light on Yoga” by B.K.S. Iyengar

And if I might add, so that he can take full advantage of the Wind that carries him down the Path on his Journey to the Truth.

If anything, this idea of the Wind and the Flow has only become more central to my spiritual Path. It has become my central pillar. It is what I base my views of life on and has definitely helped me immensely.

I also discovered that I've made progress in my yoga. It's difficult to nail that down to one entry or even a combination of entries. I simply sense from the progression I read and the feelings I now have that I have made lots of progress. For sure, I have dropped the notion of partying to improve your practice. Suffice it to say, I don't advocate that sort of thing anymore. Actually, I have to say that the opposite is much more effective now having experienced it for myself.

However, I also see that I as yet have a lot of practice left before I feel as though I am truly a good yogi. I've recently been struggling with my practice. I even left my last class of over a week ago about 30 minutes early because I simply couldn't deal with the mental and even physical struggle that I was experiencing. About one year ago, I had what I considered a few breakthroughs in this area. In this regard, I wonder where from the egress of struggle has reappeared. Only time will tell.

My struggles with fear though have clearly improved. I haven't written about fear in some time because quite frankly, I haven't felt much fear in the past few months. This is one sign to me that I have made the progress I spoke of before. A very significant sign.

In any case, my overall summary is that in the past year I have moved farther down my Path.

That's it.

Well, and I have a long Road in front of me.

Now that's it.

...

Changing the subject now, I want to take a moment to explore something new that I've been experiencing. I don't know what it is or what it is about but in writing about it I hope to reveal more of it. Maybe next year at my birthday I can look back and see the progress I've made in this regard.

My spiritual journey as previously mentioned has and continues to progress. My faith is becoming stronger and expanding in ways I did not long ago think was possible.

The other day I was having what I can only best describe as a moment of "connection." These are moments - more frequent as time goes by - where my perception of reality as viewed through my increasingly spiritual center becomes transparent (for lack of a better word). The best way I can describe it is to say that reality almost becomes translucent as I begin to see through it and into the spiritual meaning of it all.

It sounds crazy, I know. But whatever. It is what it is. I don't believe I am crazy. I just think I am exercising something that I've discovered.

Anyway, these experiences have brought back some of the feelings of wonder that I used to experience much more often than I do now. For example, the fact that we are living on a big huge ball of rock and dirt that is floating in emptiness with nothing to support it BUT that emptiness. DUDE! What is that? I mean how the hell do you explain that without coming back around to God.

Or the whole infinite loop of what came first - God or the Universe. And assuming that one of them came first, who or what created Him or It? HOLY SHIT.

Or the fact that we are simply a commune of single cell organisms working together to benefit the whole system and that combination somehow creates consciousness and perception and emotion and maybe spirit? OH MY GOD.

I have to stop.

More on all this sooner rather than later I am sure.

...

Happy Birthday to me. I hope you have (had) a wonderful Memorial Day weekend.