Choosing the Now

I have noticed that often when dealing with conflict or tantrums with my daughters that I try to emphasize that they have a choice to make in whether the situation at hand is one worthy of sadness, anger or frustration or whatever negative emotion they may be feeling. More often than not it is one of those emotions that is being expressed and is usually the reason that I have gotten involved. Although I do admit that I also often cause those expressions as a result of my reaction to whatever is going on (you parents out there know exactly what I mean). Dealing with frustrated, unhappy little children can be one of the most difficult aspects of parenting. And figuring out in each and every situation the most appropriate reaction - without just reacting emotionally yourself - is sometimes impossible.

I've found myself lately trying to reason with them by saying things like "Does the way you feel right now feel good?" or "Wouldn't it feel better if you weren't crying?" I don't know if this course of action is right - I admit I could easily be setting them up for years of future counseling - but it feels right. I think that I am ultimately trying to help them avoid what took me so long to completely realize which is that in ever moment in life, we have the power to choose not only how we react but also how we feel.

Yoga has made me very sensitive to the moment. I constantly remind myself that the past is a memory and the future is a dream and that now is the only thing that matters. This is the genesis of the lesson I am trying to teach my girls. But it's so hard to learn. I mean it took me 34 friggin' years to get this. I do think that I did it on my own though through the process of making my way down my Path. But imagine if I had started down that Path much earlier on.

When it comes to parenting, I generally try to do what feels right. I also try to not do things that I feel my parents did wrong. Now I don't think they necessarily did a lot of things wrong and I don't criticize them for anything they did - they were just doing the same thing I am doing now. But I am a different person and all I know is how I felt about certain things growing up and now as a parent, I am choosing to do things slightly differently. I am sure my girls will do the same and hopefully they will have the same respect I do for the realities of parenting.

I am also trying to counteract our materialistic society by trying to make my girls realize that the things they hold dearest are generally the things with the least meaning. This is probably the hardest lesson to teach them. Little girls (and I guess all little kids) tend to latch on to objects and hold them quite dear - be it special little stickers that came with a Groovy Girl or Pokemon cards. Especially given that in our society, materialism is king. I mean this country was built and is being built every single day with capitalism. Marcia and I are capitalist. Ultimately we all are given that we are not choosing a communal society in the backwoods of Alaska but instead use whatever money we make, however we make it to buy "stuff."

My ongoing spiritual and philosophical practices have made me very conscious of materialism. It is what it is but it (along with many other cultural realities) also causes "confusion" as Lao Tsu defines it in Taoism. This confusion comes from our struggle to "keep up" with the pressures of society and our struggle to rationalize what often we feel is "not right" about society. Materialism is just one of those things but in our capitalist society we work harder to buy more so that we have to work harder and buy more so that we "fit in." All the while forgetting about the moment as now becomes the past and we wonder where the years have gone while looking forward - and wasting even more of the now - to that two week vacation that we'll take when work isn't so crazy anymore which doesn't ever really happen so when we finally go on vacation we can't really relax because we know and can't stop think about what is waiting when we get back.

I am caught in this just as much as any of us. But I think in knowing and being conscious of it, I find the little ways - like writing here or practicing yoga or playing UNO with my girls - to make sure I am justifying the now. I hope that I can succeed in teaching my girls this lesson sooner rather than later. I think of all lessons in this life, it is one of the most important and most impactful to ones enjoyment of this life.