No One Here Gets Out Alive

In the past few days, I've been forced to remember and pay attention to the fact that human life is fragile and that no matter how we may try to avoid it, sometimes God decides that it's our time to move on from this life. It's been an odd pattern of being made conscious of horrible deaths that have happened recently in the area. I know that these things happen quite often but in the past week or so it's been very impactful to me more so than usual. It's made me think a lot about life, time, love, death and living the moment.

Life is short. The longer I live, the more I realize this point. Once time has flowed by, it seems that it went by so quickly even when, in the moment, it may have felt slow. When I hear about horrible things, I am reminded that I need to pay more attention to the moments - slow or fast - and try my best to appreciate and remember them because I know they will soon be gone, either left behind or because possibly I will have been made to move on possibly in some similar fashion. I don't like this but I do understand it is necessary for me to do this. I try to simply pay attention while forcing myself to forget why I need to pay attention.

The thing that makes it even more difficult is love. I love this life. I love the people, events, and details of this life. I don't like to think that I could lose it all or worse yet keep it and lose something I love dearly. That is my biggest fear. That I will get that phone call or become that tragic story. I also don't want to be one to create that tragic story and leave behind the amazing, beautiful wife and the even more amazing and beautiful daughters. But these possibilities exist in every moment of every day. There really is no escape.

I know it's all very selfish. Especially the fact that much of it is about fear of death. Fear that we will die or that those we love will die. Mostly fear that the ones we love will die and we will be left alone in our sorrow and pain. The selfishness of it makes it even harder to deal with. I don't like to feel selfish but then I realize that I don't like the thought of not being selfish and holding it all in or denying the feelings. I've tried that. It only makes matters worse.

I am clearly selfish. I love life. I love the people and things and events in my life. I am attached. I have to admit it and face that. It goes against one of the core yoga practices but I don't think I care in this case or more importantly, I'm not so sure I can actually do anything about it. It sort of is what it is. There really is no escape.

Ultimately all of it is more fuel for my yoga fire. More fuel to that spiritual goal of truly letting that Wind carry me through this life. Given that there is no escape from these realities, what else can be done? You'd think that that question and its unstated but clear answer would make it easy to let that Wind take over but it simply isn't that easy. Emotions like love and selfishness get in the way. But my yoga reminds me to let go of these things and trust in that Wind. Trust that everything that happens happens for a reason. Trust that if I or someone I love is forced to move on from this life that there is a purpose and that it's not just random and horrible.